Home.
It's one of those places you just know in your heart when you are there. There's that cliche saying that it's "Where your heart is." Well, this is true in speaking about where your emotional sense of the word "heart" is. Definitely not all the time where your physical heart is.
Home is also where God leads you to be and takes ya. Sometimes there's detours on the way to home. That's what season I am living in right now.
I have been thinking about this for some time now. After I moved to the mountains, I couldn't figure out why I felt so trapped; so boxed in; so fence in. It was such a puzzle to me because I LOVE Colorado and all it has to offer! So why was it that when I was living in the mountains, I felt smothered and like I needed to BREATHE.
So there was the mountains and the valley.
Then there was the city. Ah, the city.
Though beautiful in it's own way, SO NOT HOME.
This is home to me. Where I feel most free and myself....
The "Home" pictures are some of my favorite things in this world. So what makes them different? What makes them set apart from other beautiful areas, just in different ways? I think there are many
pretty areas a city can offer as well. So what in the world is wrong with me?! Why can't I feel at home wherever I am?
Well, I know now.
There are obviously many personalities in this world. Many different types of people. I know my personality and what it thrives on. So this gave some good hints :)
First, I am a free, throw your hands out the window (or roof because there's a lack of one) while driving, knots in the hair because of it blowing in the wind, sunshine, wildflowers, and freedom kind of gal. I grew up playing with the boys in the field, building forts, catching bugs, camping out under the stars, playing in the creek, catching crawdads, mud fights, and one final important thing: looking at the mountains every day to find out what the day would bring.
Put me where I can't see. This is a big deal to me. I need to see.
So, this is the underlying common factor in all the pictures representing all the places I feel are home. Where my heart can rest and settle in.
There is space.
Space to see. Space to run. Space to just enjoy serenity. I have spent so many precious moments feeling bad and being apologetic for not liking where I have landed. I am no longer going to apologize or feel bad for not liking my area that I've tried to call home. Though I can appreciate what it has to offer for the brief time I am there, I don't care anymore if someone doesn't like that I am not going to choose it as my home. It's time to find that place that my heart sighs and says, "Ahhhhhhhh. Yeah! This is it!"
So, if I can't have Colorado right now, that's just fine. It's just time to find a similar place my heart tells me is right. I believe the place you decide to call home really shows who you are.
I can only be somewhat of a "city" girl if I can have my escape. My place to disappear to where everything is ok again. Where there is serenity. I find this in nature. For me, being boxed in by roads and traffic and noise is not me. I know there is much adventure in finding out what places have to offer. I just place more weight on the nature of what God placed there, than the conveniences of what man has placed there.
The only way I can describe this search is like this. Have you ever been looking for a puppy? Or if not a puppy, something else that means a lot to you. Sure, I could've gone out and just gotten a dog for the sake of getting a dog. But the search went on for some time until I found THAT dog. The puppy who I feel like in my heart, chose me. The one who when I saw his little face, I had the immediate thought of, "Well, shoot! I am not leaving this one behind. He's gonna be mine." And then continued to hold him at the pet store for 4 hours until I could figure out a way to pay for him. Yep. That's when your heart knows. and now I have my baby.
So, it's time to find this place called home. The place that latches onto my heart when I am there. This is the great adventure. I know it might take sometime to get there, but I trust my heart will know when it is right. I know when God let's this detour end, it's gonna be fabulous. In the meantime, I feel truly fortunate that I can say I have lived in the country, in the mountains, in the big city, in a town, in a valley....now I am missing just one. On the beach. It might just be time to see if that is possible.
I'll know if my heart smiles. When I know I'm where God wants us. Cuz we all know that a smiley heart is a good thing. :)
