When you get hurt, most times, you will find yourself putting on a Band-Aid to help the wound heal. I remember I always wanted the Disney Princess ones because that's what Sarah means. Sometimes you get so used to it being there, especially if it's pink and has Cinderella in her beautiful ballgown smiling at you, that you don't realize it's not needed anymore. You also prefer it to be there becase it seems so pretty! You may not realize it's become tattered and dirty as it's been on too long. And then sometimes you just don't realize it's there until it's time to remove it. Removing a Band-Aid hurts. Alot. Especially if it's been there a while. But you have to remove it in order for the renewed skin to breathe in the fresh air and get tough to the elements again. And then sometimes, the Band-Aid gets removed by catching on something and ripping off. You may screech a bit, then breathe deep as you realize it's gone and your skin is new underneath. You forget that healing has been happening quietly, and hidden under that tiny strip of sticky tape.
In the span of this past week, a Band-Aid I didn't realize was still on my heart, got removed. It was removed from shock. I got word that my ex husband got remarried and I lost my very best friend of 20+ years. As for my ex, I am so happy for John and that he found happiness and hopefully as much as God has brought to me. The toughest part of this week was my best friend decided she didn't want me in her life anymore. Yes there were reasons, some fair, others not, but the street goes both ways. There have been many times throughout our childhood, I have given to her quietly, maybe without her knowing, as she needed it and the supportive arm of friendship. That's what friends do for each other. Some seasons are about the one going through stuff, and then the next season is recipricating that back to the other as they are going through stuff. I just simply put, miss her. A lot. She has spoken so much into my life and to just pull the cord hurt me a lot. I tried responding to her in apology for whatever it was, but she decided it was over. So let it be.
I think one of the best things I've ever heard with friendships is that you have to hold them in your hand with care. As life ebbs and flows, you have to be willing to let them flow. Some people are meant to stick in your life for the duration, others are meant to pass freely in and out. And what's good for the past is not necessarily good for your future. It hurts to realize this, but I have reached back out there to see if there's a future there. If not, it's time to move on.
I haven't been able to cry for a long time because of the busy season I'm in the midst of. At work, we are in an active rebuilding of a chaotic past. My time has been so in demand, it has exhausted me to the core. I have been doing the jobs of many, but love it even tho it's tough. This being said, I feel strongly that this is where I'm supposed to be and LOVE my job. I know God placed me there and I feel I am thriving in my strengths. I know He has given me the strength and grace for this position. It's just been hard, but it's made me so much stronger and my professional growth has been intense and efficient with the pressure! I have grown a ton in my personal life, too. It's fun to see. :) Diamonds have to be cut and go through intense pressure to get as strong as they are and as shiny as they become.
I decided to go see a therapist as I've done so much work with God on my own and needed someone who does that for a living to help me grow more. After the session, I felt very refreshed and free! It was like a cleansing. It was nice to get a professional, unbiased opinion about the situation and just let me dump out my heart's past. I did not expect the following days to be a very deep grieving of what I have left behind me in my past life. It's final. The Band-Aid is now gone. I can let my skin breathe again. It's time to trust that it can handle the bright Colorado sunshine. The crisp mountain air. The sparkling snow. The dings and scratches of life I may collect from here on out. I can handle it because I've let myself heal. If you don't start using what was wounded again, you start to think it's never healed. Sometimes you just have to test it out and trust it won't hurt too badly to start using it again. It's time to trust again. And with this, I feel it's time to trust those in the church again. I was so hurt in the past from those who were the very ones who were my family. A dear new friend made me realize this week that not the whole church is the hurtful ones. Just some who are being used to hurt others.
My past has died. The old is gone. The new has come. I am in such a fresh season! I am so happy and when this past week happened, it was like an old heaviness that no longer has control over my life tried to jump back on board. No more. It's time to move on. I am a beautiful, healthy, strong, and confident woman with much to offer to those around me. With God's help, I have been rebuilding my life. Bits and pieces have been falling back into place allowing me to trust again. I love again. It's come full circle. Time to FULLY live. All the areas are now healed. I'm trusting they all still work, but there's only one way to find out...
No more Band-Aids. I'm leaving them in the box. And with this realization, the tears start to fall...
Friday, November 16, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Oh, those nitty gritty details...
I am sitting here, in Vail, CO in a complete state of shock. The last 3 weeks of my life has been nothing short of a miracle. I thought maybe you'd wanna hear the story as it may encourage you as much as it has been to me! Life is just crazy nuts!! God is amazing. Let me tell you the story...
Those of you who have known me through my transition period have known what a HUGE desire it has been in my heart to have a career. And not just talking about a job that pays well, etc, but what it is that you're supposed to do with your life. For so long, I have had SO many dreams and desires in my heart for what I am supposed to do with my life, but no direction as to how to get about getting there. Just kinda wandering around like a lost lil puppy for so long in my life, waiting for others to tell me what to do, or what to love doing. Well, all of that changed as of April.
I decided to spend some time with my Aunt and Uncle in Florida. Booked my flight. Got totally distracted by a very handsome man on my plane, who I ended up giving my number to in baggage claim and spent the entire vacation hanging out with him on the beach as "beach buddies." Totally clicked. Matt came into my life. We decided to hang after vacation back in our homestate of CO, even tho we were about 3 hours away from eachother. So for almost 4 months, we swapped who went to which city and hung out quite a bit getting to know eachother, while having a complete blast and laughing alot. :)
Long story short, it became VERY apparent VERY quickly that I was falling in love with Vail, CO. Being born and raised in Fort Collins, I didn't venture around much apart from day trip cities, and the occasional day ski trip, but never really landed in Vail. Decided if God opened the door in my field, I would jump for the job and not turn back. Started looking, but not aggressively. Decided to look pretty much everywhere I loved, so not just nailed to Vail. Had prayed with my brother and he had told me something that stuck so strong with me...he had said, "Sarah, God will open doors where you are supposed to pay attention to and possibly go there, and close those where the season is done and gone. He knows your desires and it's time to start paying attention to what He brings in front of you. It's not going to be a coincidence."
So it began...I honestly didn't see how this would happen, but decided to just "roll with it."
Found some positions in some places and drove up for interviews. Ended up not getting those jobs, but one job opened up as a result of someone getting one of those positions I was going for, and boom! I landed an interview, got offered the position the next day, and the job was never even posted. Turns out, I am totally supposed to be here. I remember driving to the gym that day I got the voice mail for the job offer and just shaking alot listening to it. It was b/c I knew this was it. This was honestly the job I'd been dreaming of for so very long. And I didn't even know to what extent that was true until now...
So, the transition began. In the span of 2 weeks, God lined up the timing almost perfectly. My dogs were adopted out to an amazing family right before the transition of moving and packing began so I could focus on that. I told God that I needed to transition my sweet lil Mini Cooper S to a new home so I could have a car in Vail that was safe and necessary with the snow. I decided if an opportunity to sell it cam about, I would jump on it. So there that one came. Got asking price and that was finished within a couple days. Oh, shoot! Now what to drive? Well, time to borrow parents car for a lil bit. In the meantime, had wishlist sent to Juan Blanco, our family friend who also buys cars for customers at the auction.
Now to find someone to take over my lease. Asked God to fill that before I signed a lease up here b/c there was no way I could carry two at once. It honestly got down to the wire of me having a very serious convo with God about the need for finding a place of my own in Vail, and needing to move in, even if the lease in FTC was not covered. I asked Him to help me out and thanked Him for all He had already done for me. Within 24 hours, I had found a place to rent here, just the perfect lil place for me, right down to sunflowers growing in the parking lot (my fav flower) and a huge deck overlooking the valley in the sunshine most of the day AND the night before I signed that lease, I got a call that my landlord had a couple sign a new lease, releasing me from my one in FTC. God is good!!
Onto the car...had woken up early one morning for "no reason" only to feel strongly that I was supposed to email Juan a revised "wish list" for my car b/c it was getting down to the wire on me needing to get my parents back their car and just get something to drive. I decided to whittle down my list to only non negotiables, even tho it meant I would need to settle for the basics. As soon as I had sent the email, within a couple minutes, Juan shot me an email describing a car that had JUST come up for the auction that morning and guess what? Down to the color interior, leather, etc etc etc, it was EXACTLY what I had on my extreme wish list. We decided on a max bidding price and I asked God to let us get it under a certain mark if it was supposed to be mine, even tho it would be an extreme steal if that happened. Well, guess what?! We got the car. And for under that benchmark I had asked God about. Crazy!!
Not to go into details, but my job is making me want to laugh, smile and cry all at the same time. I have never ever felt so strongly that I am walking in what I am supposed to do. I just feel so honored, and loved that God would give me such an incredible opportunity for my growth as well as all the other areas of growth I can help affect through this placement. I am overwhelmed in a good way, at how perfect this job is for me and I feel confident that I can do what He has called me to do. I can actually put my roots down and grow. And use my degree to the max, learn even more, and all while experiencing all the good things from previous jobs that I missed. Yep, you guessed it. They are in this job as well. I am so grateful.
God really knows the desires of your heart. He knows what you need and when you need it, and will not give it to you a moment sooner than when His perfect plan is for you life. He sets us up for success and places us where we will thrive. I am so grateful for Him redirecting my life and setting me on the path He has for me. You know when you just "know?" Yep, I'm there. And for the first time in my life, I don't care what others think of me, as in the fear or influencing my life's decisions aspect. I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and nothing, no one, or anything can stop me. I'm so ready for this. I do recognize wisdom where and when it is given, and take it all to heart. Even though I feel the weight of responsibility for my future, I can honestly look it straight in the eyes and say I'm ready for it. It is such a crazy good feeling!! Even though I know the things in my life may not always fall into place like this time, I know that I can handle the rough times b/c I've seen how He has shown His extreme love to me, even in a place I didn't feel I deserved it.
And that's the beauty of grace and God's love, isn't it? We don't deserve it, and He still offers it to us, unconditionally.
He has set me up for success and given me the tools to succeed. Nothing, not one thing, is in vain. There is a reason for every job, for every person you meet, and every thing you do. He uses it all to accent the best for your life. I am in complete and utter awe at God and how much He cares. Details matter to Him as much as they do to us. Sometimes we just honestly need to stand back and recognize when the details are there. It will make our heart and our face smile, and almost smile so often and so big, that we cannot handle anymore good things coming into our lives. I am at that point of almost enough. I honestly do not know how much more I can handle of His goodness!
Honestly, this is the VERY shortened version of all the ways that things have lined up, and happened when He said "Go." If you'd like to hear the longer version, just lemme know and we can grab some chill time in the form of a coffee or a beer. It makes me so loopy thinking through all those details He lined up!!
I hope this encouraged you that He loves you and more than you can even know or understand. I'm so not into religion. I haven't even really been part of a church for many years. What I do know is that my life is so full b/c He is in my life. It's not about the rules or any of that for me...what it's about is the fact that Jesus loves me so much that He would care to make the nitty gritty details of my life fun and pay attention to me enough to show love in so many areas. Life is full of so much fulfillment b/c He is in my life. It's only about His love. That's it.
I sure am glad I gave my number to the baggage claim guy. :) God may have had other ways of directing me up here had I missed that one, but this way I'm convinced has been the most fun and fulfilling. :) So. Thankful. He is giving me every heart's desire, and not b/c it's from a spoiled child type thing...but b/c He knows how much these things mean to me.
Those of you who have known me through my transition period have known what a HUGE desire it has been in my heart to have a career. And not just talking about a job that pays well, etc, but what it is that you're supposed to do with your life. For so long, I have had SO many dreams and desires in my heart for what I am supposed to do with my life, but no direction as to how to get about getting there. Just kinda wandering around like a lost lil puppy for so long in my life, waiting for others to tell me what to do, or what to love doing. Well, all of that changed as of April.
I decided to spend some time with my Aunt and Uncle in Florida. Booked my flight. Got totally distracted by a very handsome man on my plane, who I ended up giving my number to in baggage claim and spent the entire vacation hanging out with him on the beach as "beach buddies." Totally clicked. Matt came into my life. We decided to hang after vacation back in our homestate of CO, even tho we were about 3 hours away from eachother. So for almost 4 months, we swapped who went to which city and hung out quite a bit getting to know eachother, while having a complete blast and laughing alot. :)
Long story short, it became VERY apparent VERY quickly that I was falling in love with Vail, CO. Being born and raised in Fort Collins, I didn't venture around much apart from day trip cities, and the occasional day ski trip, but never really landed in Vail. Decided if God opened the door in my field, I would jump for the job and not turn back. Started looking, but not aggressively. Decided to look pretty much everywhere I loved, so not just nailed to Vail. Had prayed with my brother and he had told me something that stuck so strong with me...he had said, "Sarah, God will open doors where you are supposed to pay attention to and possibly go there, and close those where the season is done and gone. He knows your desires and it's time to start paying attention to what He brings in front of you. It's not going to be a coincidence."
So it began...I honestly didn't see how this would happen, but decided to just "roll with it."
Found some positions in some places and drove up for interviews. Ended up not getting those jobs, but one job opened up as a result of someone getting one of those positions I was going for, and boom! I landed an interview, got offered the position the next day, and the job was never even posted. Turns out, I am totally supposed to be here. I remember driving to the gym that day I got the voice mail for the job offer and just shaking alot listening to it. It was b/c I knew this was it. This was honestly the job I'd been dreaming of for so very long. And I didn't even know to what extent that was true until now...
So, the transition began. In the span of 2 weeks, God lined up the timing almost perfectly. My dogs were adopted out to an amazing family right before the transition of moving and packing began so I could focus on that. I told God that I needed to transition my sweet lil Mini Cooper S to a new home so I could have a car in Vail that was safe and necessary with the snow. I decided if an opportunity to sell it cam about, I would jump on it. So there that one came. Got asking price and that was finished within a couple days. Oh, shoot! Now what to drive? Well, time to borrow parents car for a lil bit. In the meantime, had wishlist sent to Juan Blanco, our family friend who also buys cars for customers at the auction.
Now to find someone to take over my lease. Asked God to fill that before I signed a lease up here b/c there was no way I could carry two at once. It honestly got down to the wire of me having a very serious convo with God about the need for finding a place of my own in Vail, and needing to move in, even if the lease in FTC was not covered. I asked Him to help me out and thanked Him for all He had already done for me. Within 24 hours, I had found a place to rent here, just the perfect lil place for me, right down to sunflowers growing in the parking lot (my fav flower) and a huge deck overlooking the valley in the sunshine most of the day AND the night before I signed that lease, I got a call that my landlord had a couple sign a new lease, releasing me from my one in FTC. God is good!!
Onto the car...had woken up early one morning for "no reason" only to feel strongly that I was supposed to email Juan a revised "wish list" for my car b/c it was getting down to the wire on me needing to get my parents back their car and just get something to drive. I decided to whittle down my list to only non negotiables, even tho it meant I would need to settle for the basics. As soon as I had sent the email, within a couple minutes, Juan shot me an email describing a car that had JUST come up for the auction that morning and guess what? Down to the color interior, leather, etc etc etc, it was EXACTLY what I had on my extreme wish list. We decided on a max bidding price and I asked God to let us get it under a certain mark if it was supposed to be mine, even tho it would be an extreme steal if that happened. Well, guess what?! We got the car. And for under that benchmark I had asked God about. Crazy!!
Not to go into details, but my job is making me want to laugh, smile and cry all at the same time. I have never ever felt so strongly that I am walking in what I am supposed to do. I just feel so honored, and loved that God would give me such an incredible opportunity for my growth as well as all the other areas of growth I can help affect through this placement. I am overwhelmed in a good way, at how perfect this job is for me and I feel confident that I can do what He has called me to do. I can actually put my roots down and grow. And use my degree to the max, learn even more, and all while experiencing all the good things from previous jobs that I missed. Yep, you guessed it. They are in this job as well. I am so grateful.
God really knows the desires of your heart. He knows what you need and when you need it, and will not give it to you a moment sooner than when His perfect plan is for you life. He sets us up for success and places us where we will thrive. I am so grateful for Him redirecting my life and setting me on the path He has for me. You know when you just "know?" Yep, I'm there. And for the first time in my life, I don't care what others think of me, as in the fear or influencing my life's decisions aspect. I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and nothing, no one, or anything can stop me. I'm so ready for this. I do recognize wisdom where and when it is given, and take it all to heart. Even though I feel the weight of responsibility for my future, I can honestly look it straight in the eyes and say I'm ready for it. It is such a crazy good feeling!! Even though I know the things in my life may not always fall into place like this time, I know that I can handle the rough times b/c I've seen how He has shown His extreme love to me, even in a place I didn't feel I deserved it.
And that's the beauty of grace and God's love, isn't it? We don't deserve it, and He still offers it to us, unconditionally.
He has set me up for success and given me the tools to succeed. Nothing, not one thing, is in vain. There is a reason for every job, for every person you meet, and every thing you do. He uses it all to accent the best for your life. I am in complete and utter awe at God and how much He cares. Details matter to Him as much as they do to us. Sometimes we just honestly need to stand back and recognize when the details are there. It will make our heart and our face smile, and almost smile so often and so big, that we cannot handle anymore good things coming into our lives. I am at that point of almost enough. I honestly do not know how much more I can handle of His goodness!
Honestly, this is the VERY shortened version of all the ways that things have lined up, and happened when He said "Go." If you'd like to hear the longer version, just lemme know and we can grab some chill time in the form of a coffee or a beer. It makes me so loopy thinking through all those details He lined up!!
I hope this encouraged you that He loves you and more than you can even know or understand. I'm so not into religion. I haven't even really been part of a church for many years. What I do know is that my life is so full b/c He is in my life. It's not about the rules or any of that for me...what it's about is the fact that Jesus loves me so much that He would care to make the nitty gritty details of my life fun and pay attention to me enough to show love in so many areas. Life is full of so much fulfillment b/c He is in my life. It's only about His love. That's it.
I sure am glad I gave my number to the baggage claim guy. :) God may have had other ways of directing me up here had I missed that one, but this way I'm convinced has been the most fun and fulfilling. :) So. Thankful. He is giving me every heart's desire, and not b/c it's from a spoiled child type thing...but b/c He knows how much these things mean to me.
Friday, July 13, 2012
If friendships were the seashells at the beach...
So here I sit. So many thoughts running around in my mind. I guess I'll start with what is the meaning of friendship. When I say this, I am not talking about the surfacey, when it's convenient for you type of relationships. I am talking about real, genuine, in your face when needed, friendships. And I am pondering the past of my life as to how in the world mine was void of so many I thought existed.
Life's changes sure do have a way of churning up the relationships you have and showing the proof is in the pudding when it comes down to who really cares for you, and who is in it for what they can gain, whatever that entails. I am sad to say that the latter is more common from what I have experienced. It makes me very sad. And embarrassed for those who I held dear to my heart as friends. Why is it that close "friends" suddenly disappear in a time of trouble only to never return again? Or are too busy to even text to see how you are doing when they know you are in the middle of something tough? Or why is it that when things change, they back track from what you thought was a stable friendship? Sure, I know we all have been on either side, and no one is perfect, but I can surely say that I have tried my hardest to be the kind of friend I would like in my life. It is kinda hard to see that wasn't returned but in a few friendships. Thank you, God, for those! ( You know who you are :) ) Sure, friendships are like the ebb and flow of the ocean with the seashells...some stay, others go away with the tide, while some stay awhile only to be swept away in time to the ocean again. I have learned to appreciate the amount of time I hold with every person who comes into my life. Not all are there for the duration of my life, and others are there simply to assist in a season til it comes to an end.
I guess sometimes God has to strip away everything old to make room for the new. I am in that season right now. So ready for the new and I have room for it too!! Just simply stated, cannot wait. God, please bring the fresh season of friendships and life's changes into my life. I have such an eagerness and anticipation for what You have next for me.
As to anyone who may read this and feel as though I have not been a good friend to them: I am truly sorry. I tried my best and had no idea til learning this stage of life, how it felt and what it felt like to have a back turned on, and forgotten. I truly had no idea what my actions entailed and although words may never do what I wish they could, I apologize. It hurts and I would wish it on not one person. Here's to the newness that only God can bring and being the kind of person a friend would call a brother or sister to them. Lessons learned and ready to apply them. In the meantime, I have learned that I can lean on God when times are lonely or tough in the friend department. He's just always there, and ready to listen. Kinda cool and He will always care. I can appreciate that more than ever now. Simply stated, He's there for me no matter what and I am thankful for that. Cheers to the future, my future and your future. Good things are in store! Let's go.
Life's changes sure do have a way of churning up the relationships you have and showing the proof is in the pudding when it comes down to who really cares for you, and who is in it for what they can gain, whatever that entails. I am sad to say that the latter is more common from what I have experienced. It makes me very sad. And embarrassed for those who I held dear to my heart as friends. Why is it that close "friends" suddenly disappear in a time of trouble only to never return again? Or are too busy to even text to see how you are doing when they know you are in the middle of something tough? Or why is it that when things change, they back track from what you thought was a stable friendship? Sure, I know we all have been on either side, and no one is perfect, but I can surely say that I have tried my hardest to be the kind of friend I would like in my life. It is kinda hard to see that wasn't returned but in a few friendships. Thank you, God, for those! ( You know who you are :) ) Sure, friendships are like the ebb and flow of the ocean with the seashells...some stay, others go away with the tide, while some stay awhile only to be swept away in time to the ocean again. I have learned to appreciate the amount of time I hold with every person who comes into my life. Not all are there for the duration of my life, and others are there simply to assist in a season til it comes to an end.
I guess sometimes God has to strip away everything old to make room for the new. I am in that season right now. So ready for the new and I have room for it too!! Just simply stated, cannot wait. God, please bring the fresh season of friendships and life's changes into my life. I have such an eagerness and anticipation for what You have next for me.
As to anyone who may read this and feel as though I have not been a good friend to them: I am truly sorry. I tried my best and had no idea til learning this stage of life, how it felt and what it felt like to have a back turned on, and forgotten. I truly had no idea what my actions entailed and although words may never do what I wish they could, I apologize. It hurts and I would wish it on not one person. Here's to the newness that only God can bring and being the kind of person a friend would call a brother or sister to them. Lessons learned and ready to apply them. In the meantime, I have learned that I can lean on God when times are lonely or tough in the friend department. He's just always there, and ready to listen. Kinda cool and He will always care. I can appreciate that more than ever now. Simply stated, He's there for me no matter what and I am thankful for that. Cheers to the future, my future and your future. Good things are in store! Let's go.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
It's time.
It's time to write again. My dad reminded me last night that I hadn't written in a while, so here we go. :) This one will be short, and to the point. Not very creative, just honest. I am feeling a deep stirring in my heart for adventure and the career path I'm supposed to be doing. No more putting it off. No more excuses. I feel prepared and that now is the time. I can't describe it, but it's almost like something switched in my heart overnight a couple weeks ago, and I can't ignore the change. I am so ready for it this go round, and am needing Him to open/close doors as He sees fit. I know the desires that are in my heart and am trusting that He has placed them there. Would you join in praying for me during this time of transition that I would get my break into the area my heart wants so badly?
I know that He places jobs as stepping stones in our lives for us to get where He ultimately wants us to be, and I am feeling strongly that my time has come for that. I have been stepping for so long! It's time. Just simply time. I am so grateful for the job I have right now, however I cannot ignore the change in my heart, the stirring as preparation for something coming.
Fort Collins no longer feels like home for me. This is very crazy for me to say as I always said I would never leave here. I am longing for the adventures He has for me. I am ready to do whatever and go wherever. Also, I am ready to transition to all things new. Ready for new relationships and friendships. Ready for a new church home. I'm just so ready. So any prayers would be greatly appreciated. I need favor and for someone to root for me and believe in me enough to give me a shot into my field again. Badly. I really need this right now. Please pray as you see fit if He leads you to. I would appreciate it soooo much!! Also, if you know of anyone who would love my dogs as much as I do, please lemme know. When I relocate, I will need to find them a new home. Thank you for reading this and supporting me in prayer. I am not all that honest alot of times about when I need support and help, but now I really do. It means alot. :)
I know that He places jobs as stepping stones in our lives for us to get where He ultimately wants us to be, and I am feeling strongly that my time has come for that. I have been stepping for so long! It's time. Just simply time. I am so grateful for the job I have right now, however I cannot ignore the change in my heart, the stirring as preparation for something coming.
Fort Collins no longer feels like home for me. This is very crazy for me to say as I always said I would never leave here. I am longing for the adventures He has for me. I am ready to do whatever and go wherever. Also, I am ready to transition to all things new. Ready for new relationships and friendships. Ready for a new church home. I'm just so ready. So any prayers would be greatly appreciated. I need favor and for someone to root for me and believe in me enough to give me a shot into my field again. Badly. I really need this right now. Please pray as you see fit if He leads you to. I would appreciate it soooo much!! Also, if you know of anyone who would love my dogs as much as I do, please lemme know. When I relocate, I will need to find them a new home. Thank you for reading this and supporting me in prayer. I am not all that honest alot of times about when I need support and help, but now I really do. It means alot. :)
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Goodbye.
"Good In Goodbye"
I heard you laughing in a crowd outside a restaurant we used to go to
I caught a glimpse that stopped me in my tracks
It took me back
You looked happy with that little girl up on your shoulders, happy
I know where she got those crystal eyes of blue
Time’s been sweet to you
[Chorus:]
As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah, sometimes, there’s good in goodbye
I don’t regret it
The time we had together
I won’t forget it
But we both ended up where we belong
I guess goodbye made us strong
And yeah I’m happy
I found somebody too who makes me happy
And I knew one day I’ll see you on the street
And it’d be bittersweet
[Chorus:]
But as bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Yeah, sometimes, yeah sometimes, there’s good in goodbye
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[Outro:]
As bad as it was, yeah, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you got to let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Yeah, someday you’ll see the reason why
There’s good in goodbye, yeah
Yeah
There's good in goodbye, mmm.
Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.
I heard you laughing in a crowd outside a restaurant we used to go to
I caught a glimpse that stopped me in my tracks
It took me back
You looked happy with that little girl up on your shoulders, happy
I know where she got those crystal eyes of blue
Time’s been sweet to you
[Chorus:]
As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah, sometimes, there’s good in goodbye
I don’t regret it
The time we had together
I won’t forget it
But we both ended up where we belong
I guess goodbye made us strong
And yeah I’m happy
I found somebody too who makes me happy
And I knew one day I’ll see you on the street
And it’d be bittersweet
[Chorus:]
But as bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Yeah, sometimes, yeah sometimes, there’s good in goodbye
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[Outro:]
As bad as it was, yeah, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you got to let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Yeah, someday you’ll see the reason why
There’s good in goodbye, yeah
Yeah
There's good in goodbye, mmm.
Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Good in Goodbye. Good in Hello.
I'm stealing the title from Carrie Underwood's song, "Good in Goodbye" for this blog post. I found myself just crying tonight. I was sitting outside. Crickets are chirping. I can see my beautiful mountains from my porch. I turned the lights off so I could see the stars. Just kinda some "me" time and time with God. Ya, so I'm sitting there crying, thinking, "Gosh, I hope the neighbors don't hear me..." Then I was like who the heck cares.
The tears were cleansing my soul. Simply put, that's the reason for them tonight. I am at peace and so entirely grateful for my life and God's love. It's like the remaining need to cleanse out anything left from the past so I can have a fresh slate for the future. :)
So, see here...I signed up for two half marathons back in November. The training has served to help me through the most difficult season in my life. Now that the divorce is final and has been for over a month, it is time to "finish up" so to speak, that season in my life. It's time to say goodbye. For good. I already have, but this final half marathon, this coming Sunday, days away, is the final punctuation mark on that story's coming to an end.
I ran the Horsetooth Half on April 22nd. Holy crap that was a tough marathon for me. It was very emotional. The first half of the race was entirely uphill. I must admit I didn't prepare nearly as well as I should've for this race. My focus was just not there. I just wanted to complete it. I didn't even know the course!! That's a crazy thing for me, Sarah the planner. Ha! This race correlated much with my life the past 6 months. Uphill. Wanting to give up. Never giving up. Pressing on because I knew I would be stronger in the end. It was very interesting because it was like this race took me through a visual of the seasons change in my life. The first half of the race was barren, so to speak. Dusty, rocks, hills, pain. I found myself running the white line on the side of the road. I stole this from Dean Karnazes. It is just so comforting knowing that if you just stay on that line, it'll take you where you need to go.
The course gradually started changing as trees appeared near Bellevue. Pastures with horses and cattle strewn with picket fences and flowers dotting the green landscape. Just pure beauty. Gentle, rolling hills. Ah, Spring Creek, I am then running across a creaky, wooden bridge, and the birds were singing and flirting all around. The trees were in full spring bloom, and the sun was just so warm on my face, the rays beaming down from through the leaves in the majestic trees.
It was mind blowing how evident the changes. I just started crying near mile 10. This was my race, no matter the time, because I was running forward, never to return there again. There was no one waiting for me at the finish line. I was running entirely for me, and the peace that struck me in that revelation was overwhelming. After crossing the finish line, I struck up some fun convo with some other runners while chowing down my burrito, hung for about an hour, then took the bus back to my car. I didn't even feel alone and never felt awkward. I am at peace with who I am. I have been a lil worried lately that I come across the right way. Lemme explain. I used to hate myself. Hate. There has been sucha transformation in me, and I can honestly say I love who God made me now. It is sucha drastic change, it worries me sometimes that it come across as conceited. I sure hope it doesn't, but at the same time, I would take that risk b/c I would never trade it back for the hate I used to feel towards myself. Never. I'm letting God teach me the balance and that's been good.
So, that race was my peak run for this next half, the Colorado Half Marathon. I am elated for this race. I have spent all week preparing mentally and physically. I have done everything right: sleep, eating, training, rest. I just can't wait. This race will be my exclamation that I am putting the past behind me and moving forward for the future, pressing on to the next goal and great thing in my life. I am very excited. There is rain on the forecast. Bring it. I don't even care. No matter what, this is my race. I am grateful. So if you're wondering why I keep talking about this half, this is why. Looking back, I am seeing much "good in goodbye." I know without a doubt, that there is good to come in "hello to my future and present." Bring it, baby. I've taken the time to unpack any baggage I had, and I am ready for the next trip. Time to go. Yeah!!!!!!! :)
The tears were cleansing my soul. Simply put, that's the reason for them tonight. I am at peace and so entirely grateful for my life and God's love. It's like the remaining need to cleanse out anything left from the past so I can have a fresh slate for the future. :)
So, see here...I signed up for two half marathons back in November. The training has served to help me through the most difficult season in my life. Now that the divorce is final and has been for over a month, it is time to "finish up" so to speak, that season in my life. It's time to say goodbye. For good. I already have, but this final half marathon, this coming Sunday, days away, is the final punctuation mark on that story's coming to an end.
I ran the Horsetooth Half on April 22nd. Holy crap that was a tough marathon for me. It was very emotional. The first half of the race was entirely uphill. I must admit I didn't prepare nearly as well as I should've for this race. My focus was just not there. I just wanted to complete it. I didn't even know the course!! That's a crazy thing for me, Sarah the planner. Ha! This race correlated much with my life the past 6 months. Uphill. Wanting to give up. Never giving up. Pressing on because I knew I would be stronger in the end. It was very interesting because it was like this race took me through a visual of the seasons change in my life. The first half of the race was barren, so to speak. Dusty, rocks, hills, pain. I found myself running the white line on the side of the road. I stole this from Dean Karnazes. It is just so comforting knowing that if you just stay on that line, it'll take you where you need to go.
The course gradually started changing as trees appeared near Bellevue. Pastures with horses and cattle strewn with picket fences and flowers dotting the green landscape. Just pure beauty. Gentle, rolling hills. Ah, Spring Creek, I am then running across a creaky, wooden bridge, and the birds were singing and flirting all around. The trees were in full spring bloom, and the sun was just so warm on my face, the rays beaming down from through the leaves in the majestic trees.
It was mind blowing how evident the changes. I just started crying near mile 10. This was my race, no matter the time, because I was running forward, never to return there again. There was no one waiting for me at the finish line. I was running entirely for me, and the peace that struck me in that revelation was overwhelming. After crossing the finish line, I struck up some fun convo with some other runners while chowing down my burrito, hung for about an hour, then took the bus back to my car. I didn't even feel alone and never felt awkward. I am at peace with who I am. I have been a lil worried lately that I come across the right way. Lemme explain. I used to hate myself. Hate. There has been sucha transformation in me, and I can honestly say I love who God made me now. It is sucha drastic change, it worries me sometimes that it come across as conceited. I sure hope it doesn't, but at the same time, I would take that risk b/c I would never trade it back for the hate I used to feel towards myself. Never. I'm letting God teach me the balance and that's been good.
So, that race was my peak run for this next half, the Colorado Half Marathon. I am elated for this race. I have spent all week preparing mentally and physically. I have done everything right: sleep, eating, training, rest. I just can't wait. This race will be my exclamation that I am putting the past behind me and moving forward for the future, pressing on to the next goal and great thing in my life. I am very excited. There is rain on the forecast. Bring it. I don't even care. No matter what, this is my race. I am grateful. So if you're wondering why I keep talking about this half, this is why. Looking back, I am seeing much "good in goodbye." I know without a doubt, that there is good to come in "hello to my future and present." Bring it, baby. I've taken the time to unpack any baggage I had, and I am ready for the next trip. Time to go. Yeah!!!!!!! :)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Salty, sweet and spicy.
Just some random, silly things about me and also mixed in with my favs. This is kinda like the grab bag or bowl of mixed nuts called my life. I just needed to write tonight and this was fun. :)
1. My family. Took them for granted in the past, but now realize what I have in each of them. Number one, my parents. They are amazing. I mean, really. I love them with my whole heart and hope that someday I can be half as decent people as they are. They are my rocks here on earth. Truly showing the love of the Father in everything they do. Plus they have a great marriage and I love watching that. Number two: my brother. He is really like my best friend. I love that man alot! :)
2. The sunshine. I mean, come on! It is amazing!! Probably my most favorite thing on this earth, next to the beach. So glad they go hand-in hand. I would lay out all day long if I could. (And I do in the summer on my days off)...
3. Sunflowers and tulips: the two most cheerful, happy flowers there are. I love them! No roses for this girl. I like a flower that smiles back, and laughs.
4. Driving fast. Oops! I admitted it. I love to jam out my music and just cruise in my zippy mobile. Thank God for my good breaks when I see a cop. :) Does this mean I am horrible?!
5. Water. Any and all forms of it. I love to play in it. Could anything be more beautiful!? It takes on the color of the sky and surroundings and reflects the beauty around. Therapeutic to say the least. Kinda like mud...I like that too...
6. My feet. They take me on so many adventures. They are happiest when running in the country or on the beach. I play hard and work hard.
7. Singing. You can find me doing this whenever I'm in the car or home. I love to belt out a good tune. Growing up, I pretended my curling iron was my microphone.
8. Flying in airplanes. I almost love the trip as much as the vacation. I welcome the LONG flights b/c it means I get to be in the plane for a long time.
9. Adventures alone. I like finding out what I'm capable of doing while depending on myself while ultimately on Him. I welcome time for me, b/c alot of my life is spent being a social butterfly. But love being with people too.
10. Reading. I really own a small library. I have a few favorite authors, but usually won't get a book at the library b/c if it's good, I don't get to add it to my library. I usually only read a book one time. Maybe 2. I read mysteries growing up, so I usually figured out the movies before the ends.
11. Fact: I am a bit OCD when it comes to locking doors. Any and all kinds. I must pull/click, etc many times.
12. When I laugh hard, I get the hicoughs. Ever since I was a baby.
13. I am related to William Penn and Abe Lincoln. Really.
14. I rarely have bad days, but when I do, it reminds me how good my life is.
15. I used to hate myself and now I love myself. God's done alot of work over the years! I am grateful for this work. It makes me smile. :)
16. I will jump over an ant instead of crushing it. I always am thinking about the family of ants that would lose it's brother or sister. I'm a softie, but also tough...
17. I am most happy in the middle of a bunch of guys watching football and chowing down on hot wings. I love hanging with girls who are the same way. I can dress and play the part of a girlie girl if I need to, and have found the balance somewhere in the middle. I can rock the "no makeup" look as much as the girlie face. :)
18. Up until a couple years ago, I wouldn't touch raw meat without gloves. Ha!! And my Dad was a meatcutter. I don't care anymore. Heck, I eat raw fish.
19. I used to be SO serious! Now I recognize the importance of fun and laughing in the day. You need people around you who get your humor. It can be rare to find, but if you just be yourself and you'll attract who you need around you.
20. I love Chic-Fil-A. Like alot. If I must eat "fast food" you will find me here. And the Chic-Fil-A sauce is to die for.
21. I am probably more like my Grammie than any other grandparent. She dated until she was 92 years old, and was a bit spicy. She liked to stir the pot, so to speak. I miss her alot.
22. I am gonna have wrinkles from many laughs and smiles. And I just don't even care. I lived.
23. I used to not want to have kids at all, and that is changing in me. It's nuts that I'm actually saying this right now...
24. I will own my own business someday here soon. It's in the works and I'm pretty darn excited about it. Timing is everything and I have been working on it for a year thus far. Time for the next step!
25. I have lost 50 lbs and love who I am. God has freed me from much!!
26. Fav foods to date: Beau Joes Pizza, beer, and cheescake. (I make a mean one) Oh, and brussel sprouts. Must eat daily: bananas and Greek yogurt.
27. I can cook. I just want to have someone appreciate it, otherwise I don't do it a whole lot. I don't want it to be expected of me, but do it and have it recognized.
28. I absolutely love being the butt of fun jokes. I am a prankster! I have many stories of leading the pack in pranks at high school camps...and I love nicknames. I just smile so wide when someone calls me one they have given me.
29. My eyes used to be brown, and now they are greenish brown. I don't know why they changed, but I like to think it's b/c I'm truly myself now.
30. I love life and love the people who step in it, no matter how long they are beside me. Once a friend, you are always my friend.
31. I worked at a marina for 4 years. I know a lot about boats and even how to winterize the cabins on cruisers. I might not get to go back this summer and that makes me very sad. I had to get a "grown" up job, but I'm grateful for where I am and love it in a whole different way. From working with all men to all women...oiy!
32. I am very competitive. Throw a challenge my way, and I'm in! I will try to beat you! :)
33. I will own a boat someday. After working around so many kinds, I know what I want. And color is key!
34. I am now gonna drink some black strong coffee, run to the gym, do weights, and run home. Cuz that's how I roll...
35. My ideal place to live is in a cute lil house on lotsa land with a view of the mountains. I love the country God's made and would like to look at it every day!
36. I always look at the mountains in the morning to determine what the weather's gonna do and what I should wear.
37. I have this crazy love for Sour Patch Kids. I have no idea why. I always have to have them at the movie theater.
38. I rarely get mad. Usually it's only when something has happened that is unfair. I am very fair and like to hear people out before I make a decision on how to react.
39. When I do get mad, tho...I am a firecracker! I will speak my mind and you will know exactly where I stand. I have been learning on what to say and to think before I speak. When I'm mad, more times than not, I cry. It's just how I deal with it I guess.
40. I live in flip flops and running shoes. I have recently aquired a love for heels. To be honest, I love the attitude they give me! They make me a bit spicy and I like the way they make my legs look. :) Ah, shoot! Watch out for me in heels! Ha ha!
41. I used to drive a very lifted, Jeep, complete with crazy designer 4WD seats. And now I drive a Mini Cooper. Go figure.
42. I am very ticklish. I love laughing, so welcome being tickled. (Ah, shoot, should I share that!?)
43. My favorite holiday is Fourth of July. There's just something to be said about the BBQs, weather, and colors. Plus I love me some ribs and corn on the cob.
44. I am a very simple girl. Give me simple fun, love and friends and chill, and I'm smiling both in my heart and lips. I'm up for about anything, but also love just chillin' doing not a whole lot.
45. On my days off when the weather is warm (above 40), you will find me out running between 6-13 miles. I absolutely love running. It's my therapy. And it gives killer calves!
46. I love helping people. Ministry is right in front of your face in every day. People don't just "pop" into your life for no reason. They crossed your path for some reason, so figure it out! Be yourself to them and see what happens. I am amazed daily at how many things God does when we are ready for the adventure. It's a blast!
47. I love giving. It makes me smile.
48. I may appear really really tough, which in some ways I am, but am really a softie. I, like many others, just want to be safe and protected and am learning how to walk in the role God has given me in this life as a woman. I hate this word, but really it's been about control. I was leading and controlling many things that weren't mine to lead and letting go of them and relaxing after many years is hard. It's about retraining myself to let go. I'm learning how and It's refreshing and leaving my life with more room to smile and grow. :) I am grateful for a great Dad and that I know God's heart now more than ever!
49. I love steak. And meat of any sort. My dad was a meatcutter, so there's no way this girl will ever go Vegan.
50. My motto in life is to dream big, and if you have to, chase down your dreams and beat them into submission. Nothing is impossible in this life and if you work hard enough, with God leading you, you can accomplish what you set out for. I am ready to click into my calling more and more!! Bring it on.
51. I overuse "smileys" in text and stuff, but it is honestly b/c I'm always smiling! I am genuinely happy most of the time. I also think it's important to be real about your feelings and I will flat out tell you when I'm having a bad day or whatever emotion I'm feeling. No guessing here. Heck, you've gotta be real and truly feel what you are feeling. I've been known to just ask for hugs, too, and just give them.
Well, there's a bit of fun. What you see is what you get with me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am hiding nothing. This is me! Life's too short to play games and create drama. I've gotten hurt in the past for being so real and open, but it doesn't stop me from going for it again and again. Hey, there's always another chance and nothing can hold me down. I'd rather play in the game then be a bench warmer. I get through very tough stuff pretty quickly and cleanly. God tends to do alot in me all at once. He always has. I am a survivor and determined to be successful in this one shot at life. Mine will be amazing. :) Dream on, friends!
1. My family. Took them for granted in the past, but now realize what I have in each of them. Number one, my parents. They are amazing. I mean, really. I love them with my whole heart and hope that someday I can be half as decent people as they are. They are my rocks here on earth. Truly showing the love of the Father in everything they do. Plus they have a great marriage and I love watching that. Number two: my brother. He is really like my best friend. I love that man alot! :)
2. The sunshine. I mean, come on! It is amazing!! Probably my most favorite thing on this earth, next to the beach. So glad they go hand-in hand. I would lay out all day long if I could. (And I do in the summer on my days off)...
3. Sunflowers and tulips: the two most cheerful, happy flowers there are. I love them! No roses for this girl. I like a flower that smiles back, and laughs.
4. Driving fast. Oops! I admitted it. I love to jam out my music and just cruise in my zippy mobile. Thank God for my good breaks when I see a cop. :) Does this mean I am horrible?!
5. Water. Any and all forms of it. I love to play in it. Could anything be more beautiful!? It takes on the color of the sky and surroundings and reflects the beauty around. Therapeutic to say the least. Kinda like mud...I like that too...
6. My feet. They take me on so many adventures. They are happiest when running in the country or on the beach. I play hard and work hard.
7. Singing. You can find me doing this whenever I'm in the car or home. I love to belt out a good tune. Growing up, I pretended my curling iron was my microphone.
8. Flying in airplanes. I almost love the trip as much as the vacation. I welcome the LONG flights b/c it means I get to be in the plane for a long time.
9. Adventures alone. I like finding out what I'm capable of doing while depending on myself while ultimately on Him. I welcome time for me, b/c alot of my life is spent being a social butterfly. But love being with people too.
10. Reading. I really own a small library. I have a few favorite authors, but usually won't get a book at the library b/c if it's good, I don't get to add it to my library. I usually only read a book one time. Maybe 2. I read mysteries growing up, so I usually figured out the movies before the ends.
11. Fact: I am a bit OCD when it comes to locking doors. Any and all kinds. I must pull/click, etc many times.
12. When I laugh hard, I get the hicoughs. Ever since I was a baby.
13. I am related to William Penn and Abe Lincoln. Really.
14. I rarely have bad days, but when I do, it reminds me how good my life is.
15. I used to hate myself and now I love myself. God's done alot of work over the years! I am grateful for this work. It makes me smile. :)
16. I will jump over an ant instead of crushing it. I always am thinking about the family of ants that would lose it's brother or sister. I'm a softie, but also tough...
17. I am most happy in the middle of a bunch of guys watching football and chowing down on hot wings. I love hanging with girls who are the same way. I can dress and play the part of a girlie girl if I need to, and have found the balance somewhere in the middle. I can rock the "no makeup" look as much as the girlie face. :)
18. Up until a couple years ago, I wouldn't touch raw meat without gloves. Ha!! And my Dad was a meatcutter. I don't care anymore. Heck, I eat raw fish.
19. I used to be SO serious! Now I recognize the importance of fun and laughing in the day. You need people around you who get your humor. It can be rare to find, but if you just be yourself and you'll attract who you need around you.
20. I love Chic-Fil-A. Like alot. If I must eat "fast food" you will find me here. And the Chic-Fil-A sauce is to die for.
21. I am probably more like my Grammie than any other grandparent. She dated until she was 92 years old, and was a bit spicy. She liked to stir the pot, so to speak. I miss her alot.
22. I am gonna have wrinkles from many laughs and smiles. And I just don't even care. I lived.
23. I used to not want to have kids at all, and that is changing in me. It's nuts that I'm actually saying this right now...
24. I will own my own business someday here soon. It's in the works and I'm pretty darn excited about it. Timing is everything and I have been working on it for a year thus far. Time for the next step!
25. I have lost 50 lbs and love who I am. God has freed me from much!!
26. Fav foods to date: Beau Joes Pizza, beer, and cheescake. (I make a mean one) Oh, and brussel sprouts. Must eat daily: bananas and Greek yogurt.
27. I can cook. I just want to have someone appreciate it, otherwise I don't do it a whole lot. I don't want it to be expected of me, but do it and have it recognized.
28. I absolutely love being the butt of fun jokes. I am a prankster! I have many stories of leading the pack in pranks at high school camps...and I love nicknames. I just smile so wide when someone calls me one they have given me.
29. My eyes used to be brown, and now they are greenish brown. I don't know why they changed, but I like to think it's b/c I'm truly myself now.
30. I love life and love the people who step in it, no matter how long they are beside me. Once a friend, you are always my friend.
31. I worked at a marina for 4 years. I know a lot about boats and even how to winterize the cabins on cruisers. I might not get to go back this summer and that makes me very sad. I had to get a "grown" up job, but I'm grateful for where I am and love it in a whole different way. From working with all men to all women...oiy!
32. I am very competitive. Throw a challenge my way, and I'm in! I will try to beat you! :)
33. I will own a boat someday. After working around so many kinds, I know what I want. And color is key!
34. I am now gonna drink some black strong coffee, run to the gym, do weights, and run home. Cuz that's how I roll...
35. My ideal place to live is in a cute lil house on lotsa land with a view of the mountains. I love the country God's made and would like to look at it every day!
36. I always look at the mountains in the morning to determine what the weather's gonna do and what I should wear.
37. I have this crazy love for Sour Patch Kids. I have no idea why. I always have to have them at the movie theater.
38. I rarely get mad. Usually it's only when something has happened that is unfair. I am very fair and like to hear people out before I make a decision on how to react.
39. When I do get mad, tho...I am a firecracker! I will speak my mind and you will know exactly where I stand. I have been learning on what to say and to think before I speak. When I'm mad, more times than not, I cry. It's just how I deal with it I guess.
40. I live in flip flops and running shoes. I have recently aquired a love for heels. To be honest, I love the attitude they give me! They make me a bit spicy and I like the way they make my legs look. :) Ah, shoot! Watch out for me in heels! Ha ha!
41. I used to drive a very lifted, Jeep, complete with crazy designer 4WD seats. And now I drive a Mini Cooper. Go figure.
42. I am very ticklish. I love laughing, so welcome being tickled. (Ah, shoot, should I share that!?)
43. My favorite holiday is Fourth of July. There's just something to be said about the BBQs, weather, and colors. Plus I love me some ribs and corn on the cob.
44. I am a very simple girl. Give me simple fun, love and friends and chill, and I'm smiling both in my heart and lips. I'm up for about anything, but also love just chillin' doing not a whole lot.
45. On my days off when the weather is warm (above 40), you will find me out running between 6-13 miles. I absolutely love running. It's my therapy. And it gives killer calves!
46. I love helping people. Ministry is right in front of your face in every day. People don't just "pop" into your life for no reason. They crossed your path for some reason, so figure it out! Be yourself to them and see what happens. I am amazed daily at how many things God does when we are ready for the adventure. It's a blast!
47. I love giving. It makes me smile.
48. I may appear really really tough, which in some ways I am, but am really a softie. I, like many others, just want to be safe and protected and am learning how to walk in the role God has given me in this life as a woman. I hate this word, but really it's been about control. I was leading and controlling many things that weren't mine to lead and letting go of them and relaxing after many years is hard. It's about retraining myself to let go. I'm learning how and It's refreshing and leaving my life with more room to smile and grow. :) I am grateful for a great Dad and that I know God's heart now more than ever!
49. I love steak. And meat of any sort. My dad was a meatcutter, so there's no way this girl will ever go Vegan.
50. My motto in life is to dream big, and if you have to, chase down your dreams and beat them into submission. Nothing is impossible in this life and if you work hard enough, with God leading you, you can accomplish what you set out for. I am ready to click into my calling more and more!! Bring it on.
51. I overuse "smileys" in text and stuff, but it is honestly b/c I'm always smiling! I am genuinely happy most of the time. I also think it's important to be real about your feelings and I will flat out tell you when I'm having a bad day or whatever emotion I'm feeling. No guessing here. Heck, you've gotta be real and truly feel what you are feeling. I've been known to just ask for hugs, too, and just give them.
Well, there's a bit of fun. What you see is what you get with me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am hiding nothing. This is me! Life's too short to play games and create drama. I've gotten hurt in the past for being so real and open, but it doesn't stop me from going for it again and again. Hey, there's always another chance and nothing can hold me down. I'd rather play in the game then be a bench warmer. I get through very tough stuff pretty quickly and cleanly. God tends to do alot in me all at once. He always has. I am a survivor and determined to be successful in this one shot at life. Mine will be amazing. :) Dream on, friends!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Life is like a basket of hot wings.
You ever stand back and reflect on your life and just throw your hands up in the air and say, "woah!?" Not necessarily a good or bad, "woah," but still very much a "woah?!" Haha...Yep, that's about where I'm at. I have been going through ALOT of change, to say the least. I figured it was time to write it all down just because it's good for the soul (and the sleep cycle and getting those eyes closed. ) Warning: this blog is gonna be very raw. Please try to read my heart through here, even if things don't come out "politically correct." I am going to try to just be really real here :)
I'm going through a divorce. There I said it. Let me first say that the reasons aren't needing to be written down on here, but I am an open book, so if anyone reading this wants to hear the short summary who has known me and John as a couple in the past, I am here and very much approachable. I just want to state that I have nothing bad to say about him and think he is an amazing person! We have just decided it was time to move on as our quality of life together as a couple was not the best thing for each of us as individuals. We are still very much friends, even though it will be in a very different capacity in the future. The end of March is when all of this will be finalized.
Ok, so what have I learned? First, why the comparison to hot wings?? Lemme explain. Hot wings are one of my most favorite things ever. Seriously, they are. They sneak up on you sometimes, and the spice can bite ya when you least expect it. Other times, you just handle the spice depending on what sauce you have chosen to glaze 'em with that go'round. This is much like life. Life is a surprise! I have learned to love this about my life. You never know what kind of reaction you're gonna have to the things it brings you day to day. Some days, it's just plain easy to get through and others are very "spicy" and bite back at ya. I have learned to appreciate both of these kind of days, for they each give you a very important and distinct lesson to learn.
If we didn't have the days that shock us and bite back at us, would we ever grow? Would we ever be thankful for the "down time" in our life, or the "mild" wing days? Nope, I don't think so. And then there are the days where you need the assistance of dipping sauce. Ranch, blue cheese, whatever your taste, it dumbs down the crazy flavor a bit so you can handle it. I like to think of my friendships as the dipping sauce. The right one is always there for me at the right time I need the balance for my tongue.
After the hottest wing challenge of my life (hence, where I'm coming from right now...), one can look back and take a deep breath. You did it. You survived the challenge and lookie there, the burn went away gradually and you have learned what you can handle in life. You can look back at the result being a stronger, more resilient person who knows that the capacity of what could be handled has been stretched to new levels. I know who I am now, what I need in my life, and what things I will never do again. I have learned priceless, priceless lessons and am extremely grateful for those, even though they were difficult to learn.
I want to state that I do not like what I have gone through. Divorce is a very, very, very tough thing to go through, and even stating that, it does not describe how tough. It is honestly one of the worst things I have ever gone through. It is not something to be taken lightly or just jumped into as a "we fight, therefore it's not good...lets bail" kinda option. At least for me and John, it was the last thing we had. When you start to disappear out of your life as the person you were made to be, that is a very dangerous place to be in. That's where we were each getting to, and we decided that it was important to preserve the individual over the promise. Nothin' else needs to be said here at this point in time. I love John and will always. I have no regrets and do not wish to "erase" the portion of my life that had him in it. We have both learned MUCH and for that I am grateful.
Through this, I have learned to see the Hand of the Father in my life. He loves me. His love is truly unconditional. I had no idea about the capacity of His love for me until I was faced with my basket of the hottest hot wings I had ever been served. Yes, God states in the Bible that He hates divorce and that it's wrong. There's also lying, rebellion, stealing, etc etc etc. I do not state this to justify anything with divorce. Me and John made a decision we weighed heavily for years. For our situation, this is what happened. We took it to God for months and asked His guidance in the situation. I look back and see How he did help us and did not leave us. He stayed along side us despite the decision we made. For us, there was no other option. No regrets, and no other choice. Although He never led me to get a divorce ( I want to make that clear- God did not tell me to do this...He does not contradict His Word.), what I felt over and over was His love for me no matter what. He loves me. His love for me is not dependent on my actions. Thank you, Jesus! If it were, I'm certain I'd be a gonner. He loves me no matter what. The realization of this is overwhelming. I can honestly say I didn't die b/c of His love for me. I am not bitter b/c He loves me. I can genuinely smile b/c He loves me. I believe in love, and will again and again, b/c He loves me....
Someday, I really hope that I get another shot at this marriage thing. I'd like to apply all I've learned b/c it's SO MUCH! I have so much to offer someone, and wish to. Although, I don't know the timing God may bring, I am choosing to take life as it comes at me. God knows when times are right and I know I can trust my future to His hands. Heck, He knows what's gonna happen anyway! I have learned that one can't simply apply the "rules" in society to every situation and that one shouldn't live to please others. You gotta do what's right for you and what you feel God has given you peace to do. 'Nough said.
Ephesians 3:18: "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." NIV
Psalms 118:17 "I will not die, but live and will proclaim what the Lord has done." (My life verse.)
Well, there you have it. My life is like a basket of hot wings. And I love it, no matter how hot they get some days. They sure do remind me that I have got me some good taste buds.
I'm going through a divorce. There I said it. Let me first say that the reasons aren't needing to be written down on here, but I am an open book, so if anyone reading this wants to hear the short summary who has known me and John as a couple in the past, I am here and very much approachable. I just want to state that I have nothing bad to say about him and think he is an amazing person! We have just decided it was time to move on as our quality of life together as a couple was not the best thing for each of us as individuals. We are still very much friends, even though it will be in a very different capacity in the future. The end of March is when all of this will be finalized.
Ok, so what have I learned? First, why the comparison to hot wings?? Lemme explain. Hot wings are one of my most favorite things ever. Seriously, they are. They sneak up on you sometimes, and the spice can bite ya when you least expect it. Other times, you just handle the spice depending on what sauce you have chosen to glaze 'em with that go'round. This is much like life. Life is a surprise! I have learned to love this about my life. You never know what kind of reaction you're gonna have to the things it brings you day to day. Some days, it's just plain easy to get through and others are very "spicy" and bite back at ya. I have learned to appreciate both of these kind of days, for they each give you a very important and distinct lesson to learn.
If we didn't have the days that shock us and bite back at us, would we ever grow? Would we ever be thankful for the "down time" in our life, or the "mild" wing days? Nope, I don't think so. And then there are the days where you need the assistance of dipping sauce. Ranch, blue cheese, whatever your taste, it dumbs down the crazy flavor a bit so you can handle it. I like to think of my friendships as the dipping sauce. The right one is always there for me at the right time I need the balance for my tongue.
After the hottest wing challenge of my life (hence, where I'm coming from right now...), one can look back and take a deep breath. You did it. You survived the challenge and lookie there, the burn went away gradually and you have learned what you can handle in life. You can look back at the result being a stronger, more resilient person who knows that the capacity of what could be handled has been stretched to new levels. I know who I am now, what I need in my life, and what things I will never do again. I have learned priceless, priceless lessons and am extremely grateful for those, even though they were difficult to learn.
I want to state that I do not like what I have gone through. Divorce is a very, very, very tough thing to go through, and even stating that, it does not describe how tough. It is honestly one of the worst things I have ever gone through. It is not something to be taken lightly or just jumped into as a "we fight, therefore it's not good...lets bail" kinda option. At least for me and John, it was the last thing we had. When you start to disappear out of your life as the person you were made to be, that is a very dangerous place to be in. That's where we were each getting to, and we decided that it was important to preserve the individual over the promise. Nothin' else needs to be said here at this point in time. I love John and will always. I have no regrets and do not wish to "erase" the portion of my life that had him in it. We have both learned MUCH and for that I am grateful.
Through this, I have learned to see the Hand of the Father in my life. He loves me. His love is truly unconditional. I had no idea about the capacity of His love for me until I was faced with my basket of the hottest hot wings I had ever been served. Yes, God states in the Bible that He hates divorce and that it's wrong. There's also lying, rebellion, stealing, etc etc etc. I do not state this to justify anything with divorce. Me and John made a decision we weighed heavily for years. For our situation, this is what happened. We took it to God for months and asked His guidance in the situation. I look back and see How he did help us and did not leave us. He stayed along side us despite the decision we made. For us, there was no other option. No regrets, and no other choice. Although He never led me to get a divorce ( I want to make that clear- God did not tell me to do this...He does not contradict His Word.), what I felt over and over was His love for me no matter what. He loves me. His love for me is not dependent on my actions. Thank you, Jesus! If it were, I'm certain I'd be a gonner. He loves me no matter what. The realization of this is overwhelming. I can honestly say I didn't die b/c of His love for me. I am not bitter b/c He loves me. I can genuinely smile b/c He loves me. I believe in love, and will again and again, b/c He loves me....
Someday, I really hope that I get another shot at this marriage thing. I'd like to apply all I've learned b/c it's SO MUCH! I have so much to offer someone, and wish to. Although, I don't know the timing God may bring, I am choosing to take life as it comes at me. God knows when times are right and I know I can trust my future to His hands. Heck, He knows what's gonna happen anyway! I have learned that one can't simply apply the "rules" in society to every situation and that one shouldn't live to please others. You gotta do what's right for you and what you feel God has given you peace to do. 'Nough said.
Ephesians 3:18: "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." NIV
Psalms 118:17 "I will not die, but live and will proclaim what the Lord has done." (My life verse.)
Well, there you have it. My life is like a basket of hot wings. And I love it, no matter how hot they get some days. They sure do remind me that I have got me some good taste buds.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Eeyore.
Today has just been one of those days. I know we all get 'em once in a while, but I'm always surprised when they come around for me. I guess it's b/c I forget what they are like b/c they are so few and far between. You know those days? When no matter what you do, it's just like Eeyore switched places with the normally happy-go-lucky you?
Just one of those horrible, icky, lonely days. The house went under contract late last night after my feeble attempt to salvage it for renting with my friends. Wouldn't have worked anyway, but I think it was me trying to cling to the past a lil bit. So today, I was bombarded with many feelings that I just plain and simple did not expect. The biggest one was lonliness. It got me to thinkin'...why does lonliness happen to us, every single one of us?!
Hmm...let's SO go there.
So here's what I have come up with. You know after a couple days or weeks in which you just eat/drink crud and then you feel weighed down and icky, no energy, etc? You want to feel good again and don't quite know how to get back there. I have found if I listen to my body, it naturally adjusts and craves the things that will be best for it to get my eating back on track...you know...all the great stuff....fruits/veggies, lean protein, whole grains, etc. Then I feel the urge to workout again and get my booty movin'! When you allow yourself to go through that cleansing time, you end up stronger in the end and have reset your palate for the good and beneficial things for your body's health.
What if God allows lonliness in us to reset us and allow our spiritual palate to readjust? If we only know our emotions to be hunky dory, we never get that really important time to see our need for Him in our day. Today, that's what happened for me. He was the only one around and I asked Him about it.
I had this thought: In our insecurities, we automatically think that it's us and that the people around us just don't care or don't wanna see how we are doing. While this may be true sometimes, I think it's actually this...I think that God allows others to leave us alone so to speak, for a bit, so we can cleanse out all the junk we have allowed to build up in our walk with Him. When it's just me and Him, He can take care of all that and cleanse me to where I have a fresh start in my walk with Him. Instead of the insecurities, He challenged me to think of it this way: He caused the "alone time" so He could spend it with me. Like a mandatory cleanse, if I choose to accept. I know I'll feel alot better tomorrow, but wowie, today was a tough one.
So there's my thoughts on this ol' blog for the night. Gonna crash early. Really pretty eager to reset this day and start out the Friday in front of me. Time to investigate those insides of my eyelids for a bit longer than usual tonight. Sleep tight, friends.
Just one of those horrible, icky, lonely days. The house went under contract late last night after my feeble attempt to salvage it for renting with my friends. Wouldn't have worked anyway, but I think it was me trying to cling to the past a lil bit. So today, I was bombarded with many feelings that I just plain and simple did not expect. The biggest one was lonliness. It got me to thinkin'...why does lonliness happen to us, every single one of us?!
Hmm...let's SO go there.
So here's what I have come up with. You know after a couple days or weeks in which you just eat/drink crud and then you feel weighed down and icky, no energy, etc? You want to feel good again and don't quite know how to get back there. I have found if I listen to my body, it naturally adjusts and craves the things that will be best for it to get my eating back on track...you know...all the great stuff....fruits/veggies, lean protein, whole grains, etc. Then I feel the urge to workout again and get my booty movin'! When you allow yourself to go through that cleansing time, you end up stronger in the end and have reset your palate for the good and beneficial things for your body's health.
What if God allows lonliness in us to reset us and allow our spiritual palate to readjust? If we only know our emotions to be hunky dory, we never get that really important time to see our need for Him in our day. Today, that's what happened for me. He was the only one around and I asked Him about it.
I had this thought: In our insecurities, we automatically think that it's us and that the people around us just don't care or don't wanna see how we are doing. While this may be true sometimes, I think it's actually this...I think that God allows others to leave us alone so to speak, for a bit, so we can cleanse out all the junk we have allowed to build up in our walk with Him. When it's just me and Him, He can take care of all that and cleanse me to where I have a fresh start in my walk with Him. Instead of the insecurities, He challenged me to think of it this way: He caused the "alone time" so He could spend it with me. Like a mandatory cleanse, if I choose to accept. I know I'll feel alot better tomorrow, but wowie, today was a tough one.
So there's my thoughts on this ol' blog for the night. Gonna crash early. Really pretty eager to reset this day and start out the Friday in front of me. Time to investigate those insides of my eyelids for a bit longer than usual tonight. Sleep tight, friends.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Oh, but it hurts so good...!
I got to thinking this morning while I was at the gym....some of the days you least feel like working out are the most important days you need to. Granted, there are days when you need to listen to your body and take that break, but when I am just not "feeling" it, and then I go and workout, I have never had a time after those when I wished I hadn't gone. In fact, in many ways, it can be the best workout I've had in a long time. Hence, my 24:30 5k this morning. Why? Hmm...got me thinking about it a bit.
When we are forced to look our life in the eyes, like an honest to goodness stare straight through the heart of the matter, we can really see things for the way they are and learn much. In life, we are kinda taught from day one that if we aren't feeling good about a situation, to back off from it and make yourself feel better by removing the pressure or stress that you are going through. This is opposite from what we are supposed to be doing! How in the world will you grow if you aren't allowing yourself to walk through the tough stuff? It's kinda like this...if I know I have a project or deadline coming up, and I just sit there and stare at the edge of the matter without diving into it, it is actually worse than it ends up being simply because I am fearing the unknown. Once I delve into it, and get going on it, it's a learning experience and a time of great growth! And I have found myself actually enjoying the project because I'm growing and accomplishing much.
So here I sit. Staring my life honestly in the eyes. What is it I want for my life? Why is rebuilding and starting at a different start line from where I thought I'd be right now, so difficult? I have figured out why.
It's the unknown. We are taught that discomfort is not good for us and that the unknown is ONLY scary. Rebuilding a life... rebuilding is painful! When you build up your muscles, oh it hurts, baby! ...But it's a good pain. :) Anyone who has ever pushed through lifting weights or training knows this truth. I know what's coming, but know it's good for me. Good for those involved. Like a shakeup or switch-a-roo to the normal weights routine so my muscles can get stronger.
The unknown is now my adventure. An adventure of my lifetime. No, I do not know what my future holds...but we never know what it holds, anyway! We just think we do when we settle into our life and get comfortable. God has promised to give me a future and a hope. I am now holding both of those truths in my hands. I get it. He truly doesn't give us any more than we can handle. So that is why in the most difficult time in my almost 30 years of life, I smile. It's like when you're doing that dreaded final push through the last few reps of your squats...hurts so bad, feel the muscles shaking...
But I was made for this. I was made to thrive. To thrive in any situation I am placed into. There's a smile on my face because I'm being pushed to the next level. Today, I'm on the treadmill (it's cold outside!) running, well, sprinting at the end. Hurts so badly!!! But I'm smiling. I click in, and glare at the wall. I will beat you. You will not beat me. I will seize this opportunity and make it mine. I will be able to do what is next because of the building today, in this moment. And I kicked that treadmill's butt. And the pain didn't last forever like I thought it would. My muscles were capable of much more than I thought they were; but I wouldn't have know that unless I chose to push them and push through it. You don't know what you are capable of unless you choose to dare to embrace the pain.
This is my life and this is your life. You seriously get this one amazing shot at this day, at this week, month, year, etc. You will never again have the opportunities you have today. What is it that God is teaching you through it all... today? Have you chosen to push through the lesson and get stronger or step back, on the edge of the greatness for your life, the breakthrough you have been wanting, and be fearful of the unknown? You were made to push through it.
You know, instead of seeing it as my unknown, I am now seeing it as an opportunity for the dreams I have had in my heart to find a place to land in reality. When I push into the unknown, I am providing a place for those dreams to be planted in real life and grow. Gettin' thru the tough stuff, those dreams get water and sunlight. And one day, they will bloom, bear fruit and flurish. I will leave you with my favorite quote...
"Life is not a a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: "WOW!! What a ride!" - Dean Karnazes
When we are forced to look our life in the eyes, like an honest to goodness stare straight through the heart of the matter, we can really see things for the way they are and learn much. In life, we are kinda taught from day one that if we aren't feeling good about a situation, to back off from it and make yourself feel better by removing the pressure or stress that you are going through. This is opposite from what we are supposed to be doing! How in the world will you grow if you aren't allowing yourself to walk through the tough stuff? It's kinda like this...if I know I have a project or deadline coming up, and I just sit there and stare at the edge of the matter without diving into it, it is actually worse than it ends up being simply because I am fearing the unknown. Once I delve into it, and get going on it, it's a learning experience and a time of great growth! And I have found myself actually enjoying the project because I'm growing and accomplishing much.
So here I sit. Staring my life honestly in the eyes. What is it I want for my life? Why is rebuilding and starting at a different start line from where I thought I'd be right now, so difficult? I have figured out why.
It's the unknown. We are taught that discomfort is not good for us and that the unknown is ONLY scary. Rebuilding a life... rebuilding is painful! When you build up your muscles, oh it hurts, baby! ...But it's a good pain. :) Anyone who has ever pushed through lifting weights or training knows this truth. I know what's coming, but know it's good for me. Good for those involved. Like a shakeup or switch-a-roo to the normal weights routine so my muscles can get stronger.
The unknown is now my adventure. An adventure of my lifetime. No, I do not know what my future holds...but we never know what it holds, anyway! We just think we do when we settle into our life and get comfortable. God has promised to give me a future and a hope. I am now holding both of those truths in my hands. I get it. He truly doesn't give us any more than we can handle. So that is why in the most difficult time in my almost 30 years of life, I smile. It's like when you're doing that dreaded final push through the last few reps of your squats...hurts so bad, feel the muscles shaking...
But I was made for this. I was made to thrive. To thrive in any situation I am placed into. There's a smile on my face because I'm being pushed to the next level. Today, I'm on the treadmill (it's cold outside!) running, well, sprinting at the end. Hurts so badly!!! But I'm smiling. I click in, and glare at the wall. I will beat you. You will not beat me. I will seize this opportunity and make it mine. I will be able to do what is next because of the building today, in this moment. And I kicked that treadmill's butt. And the pain didn't last forever like I thought it would. My muscles were capable of much more than I thought they were; but I wouldn't have know that unless I chose to push them and push through it. You don't know what you are capable of unless you choose to dare to embrace the pain.
This is my life and this is your life. You seriously get this one amazing shot at this day, at this week, month, year, etc. You will never again have the opportunities you have today. What is it that God is teaching you through it all... today? Have you chosen to push through the lesson and get stronger or step back, on the edge of the greatness for your life, the breakthrough you have been wanting, and be fearful of the unknown? You were made to push through it.
You know, instead of seeing it as my unknown, I am now seeing it as an opportunity for the dreams I have had in my heart to find a place to land in reality. When I push into the unknown, I am providing a place for those dreams to be planted in real life and grow. Gettin' thru the tough stuff, those dreams get water and sunlight. And one day, they will bloom, bear fruit and flurish. I will leave you with my favorite quote...
"Life is not a a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: "WOW!! What a ride!" - Dean Karnazes
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Springy time!
Goodness me, how it feels like spring to me! It just feels like the weather is changing already, even tho it's just now January! Yeah! New year. This is gonna be a good one. Why? B/c I won't have it any other way.
Hmmmm....maybe because it's changing in my life from winter to spring, thus feeling like it's changing already outside.
I am ready. So ready.
Leaving the past behind, I'm ready for a fresh, new season in my life and embrace all life has to offer me. Ready for many firsts in my life, and also some repeats done right after many lessons learned.
Cannot wait.
I have so many things I want to do: laugh, hang, smile, write, run, read, travel, dream big visions...live them out, and love. The list continues. Been so busy, it's just weighing on me and making me panic a lil bit. Must take time for rest. It's ok... I just keep reminding myself baby steps (Like in "What About Bob..." haha!) One thing at a time, and one day at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time. But...
I am ready. I know that I am.
For now, I'll choose to be content to occasionally delve into them, even if it's just for a brief instant. Tomorrow is my day off. Time to take some time for me. For now, I'm just enjoying seeing that glimmer of hope in my eyes and the smile workin' on my lips, again. :)
Hmmmm....maybe because it's changing in my life from winter to spring, thus feeling like it's changing already outside.
I am ready. So ready.
Leaving the past behind, I'm ready for a fresh, new season in my life and embrace all life has to offer me. Ready for many firsts in my life, and also some repeats done right after many lessons learned.
Cannot wait.
I have so many things I want to do: laugh, hang, smile, write, run, read, travel, dream big visions...live them out, and love. The list continues. Been so busy, it's just weighing on me and making me panic a lil bit. Must take time for rest. It's ok... I just keep reminding myself baby steps (Like in "What About Bob..." haha!) One thing at a time, and one day at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time. But...
I am ready. I know that I am.
For now, I'll choose to be content to occasionally delve into them, even if it's just for a brief instant. Tomorrow is my day off. Time to take some time for me. For now, I'm just enjoying seeing that glimmer of hope in my eyes and the smile workin' on my lips, again. :)
Monday, January 2, 2012
Pig Kicking.
Well, hi there 2012! :)
"There's a new wind blowing like I've never known
I'm breathing deeper than I've ever done
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do..." -Keith Urban
I am so ready for a fresh start and a different year. So much has been going on in my life. I am ready for a break, but it's crazy how God still moves in the midst of really tough stuff. And you know, sometimes you just don't get that break you need til later. I believe God knows you can only learn some stuff under pressures that aren't normally in your life. Haha, my goodness, I am sure learning!! Learning so much. I wouldn't trade this past year for anything. Seriously. The things I have learned are so life altering and priceless. I am just so thankful. It's one thing to be told a lesson...when you walk through it yourself, it's life altering.
2011 can be summed up like this for me: Growth and devestation. There is much to be said, but that will wait til later. What I will say is that for many years, I chose to ignore very important things that were needing attention in my life. You finally hit a point in your life when you either deal with it, or it will destroy you and all those involved. Choosing to deal with it...t's been very hard to do... endless supply of tears mixed with black circles under the eyes from no sleep, screaming in the car while driving and then that tiny itty bitty smile, repeat....yeah its been really fun. But I know that it's coming to a close and that I am gonna feel the sunshine in my life again. What have I learned? To name a couple...
1. Never, for any reason, keep the truth about how you are feeling about a situation inside. Wait for the right timing to find a way to tactfully let someone know what you're going through...but for goodness sake, get it in the open. If you keep it quiet, self-destruction will be most certain. Saying everything on your heart may not be the best thing, tho. Good balance is key.
2. Learn from your mistakes. Choose to grow from them no matter what it takes. Sometimes you will have to apologize for things that you didn't mean to do. Suck it up and apologize. And sometimes you will have to dig deep to find out how to grow. No matter what, make growth the only option.
3. Love with a smile on your face and don't be afraid to let everyone know who is yours. It is ok to be affectionate with the person you love. It is ok to treat them amazing. It is ok.
4. No matter what, do not speak badly of anyone else you are going through a rough time with. Friend or whoever. It's just not worth it and they deserve that respect from you.
5. When having a bad day, make sure to have a pig around to kick. It's been said that when you kick a pig on a bad day, it turns the day around. In my case, I am now the proud owner of a stuffed pig, but nevertheless, it has had its share of kicks, even if only with a barefoot toe. (He's just too cute to kick more than that)...
6. Find your stress outlet. Mine is running. There are so many miles out there on the open road that have collected my tears, my anger, my smiles and my dancing. (Yes, it is possible to do a couple dance moves while running...my apologies to the passing cars...) I guess I must also apologize quickly for the singing done while running, too. I tend to belt it out with my ipod and forget there could be passer-bys. Sorry! ( But not really :) )
7. Never allow anything to come between you and God. He is there for you. No matter what. He understands more than we think. He really does show us what to do, but also won't force us in one direction or another. I understand Him so much more now...
8. Sometimes you have to walk through all the things you don't want for your life to figure out the things you do want. (Thanks, Christine :) ) And there are many people in your life. Each one has a reason...some are meant to pass through briefly, and others are meant to stick. Recognize each of these and let what's naturally supposed to happen, happen.
9. I really really like to laugh. Like alot. It means the world to me. It's part of who I am. For so many years, I have not lived being "me." Gotta make up some time... so, yeah, gonna figure out how to get more of that in my life, even if I have to laugh alone, then I will. :)
10. If you aren't happy with your life, you can change it. This is your life and by golly! It's supposed to be amazing!! You've got this one shot at it...if something isn't right, get on that. Good and bad, these are the experiences that make life worth living. You cannot appreciate the sunshine until you have walked in the bitter cold of the winter.
Shine, on, friends. I appreciate each one of you. Live on, buddy! :) I'm sure I will write more of these down here in a bit. Live your amazing life.
"There's a new wind blowing like I've never known
I'm breathing deeper than I've ever done
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do..." -Keith Urban
I am so ready for a fresh start and a different year. So much has been going on in my life. I am ready for a break, but it's crazy how God still moves in the midst of really tough stuff. And you know, sometimes you just don't get that break you need til later. I believe God knows you can only learn some stuff under pressures that aren't normally in your life. Haha, my goodness, I am sure learning!! Learning so much. I wouldn't trade this past year for anything. Seriously. The things I have learned are so life altering and priceless. I am just so thankful. It's one thing to be told a lesson...when you walk through it yourself, it's life altering.
2011 can be summed up like this for me: Growth and devestation. There is much to be said, but that will wait til later. What I will say is that for many years, I chose to ignore very important things that were needing attention in my life. You finally hit a point in your life when you either deal with it, or it will destroy you and all those involved. Choosing to deal with it...t's been very hard to do... endless supply of tears mixed with black circles under the eyes from no sleep, screaming in the car while driving and then that tiny itty bitty smile, repeat....yeah its been really fun. But I know that it's coming to a close and that I am gonna feel the sunshine in my life again. What have I learned? To name a couple...
1. Never, for any reason, keep the truth about how you are feeling about a situation inside. Wait for the right timing to find a way to tactfully let someone know what you're going through...but for goodness sake, get it in the open. If you keep it quiet, self-destruction will be most certain. Saying everything on your heart may not be the best thing, tho. Good balance is key.
2. Learn from your mistakes. Choose to grow from them no matter what it takes. Sometimes you will have to apologize for things that you didn't mean to do. Suck it up and apologize. And sometimes you will have to dig deep to find out how to grow. No matter what, make growth the only option.
3. Love with a smile on your face and don't be afraid to let everyone know who is yours. It is ok to be affectionate with the person you love. It is ok to treat them amazing. It is ok.
4. No matter what, do not speak badly of anyone else you are going through a rough time with. Friend or whoever. It's just not worth it and they deserve that respect from you.
5. When having a bad day, make sure to have a pig around to kick. It's been said that when you kick a pig on a bad day, it turns the day around. In my case, I am now the proud owner of a stuffed pig, but nevertheless, it has had its share of kicks, even if only with a barefoot toe. (He's just too cute to kick more than that)...
6. Find your stress outlet. Mine is running. There are so many miles out there on the open road that have collected my tears, my anger, my smiles and my dancing. (Yes, it is possible to do a couple dance moves while running...my apologies to the passing cars...) I guess I must also apologize quickly for the singing done while running, too. I tend to belt it out with my ipod and forget there could be passer-bys. Sorry! ( But not really :) )
7. Never allow anything to come between you and God. He is there for you. No matter what. He understands more than we think. He really does show us what to do, but also won't force us in one direction or another. I understand Him so much more now...
8. Sometimes you have to walk through all the things you don't want for your life to figure out the things you do want. (Thanks, Christine :) ) And there are many people in your life. Each one has a reason...some are meant to pass through briefly, and others are meant to stick. Recognize each of these and let what's naturally supposed to happen, happen.
9. I really really like to laugh. Like alot. It means the world to me. It's part of who I am. For so many years, I have not lived being "me." Gotta make up some time... so, yeah, gonna figure out how to get more of that in my life, even if I have to laugh alone, then I will. :)
10. If you aren't happy with your life, you can change it. This is your life and by golly! It's supposed to be amazing!! You've got this one shot at it...if something isn't right, get on that. Good and bad, these are the experiences that make life worth living. You cannot appreciate the sunshine until you have walked in the bitter cold of the winter.
Shine, on, friends. I appreciate each one of you. Live on, buddy! :) I'm sure I will write more of these down here in a bit. Live your amazing life.
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