I'm stealing the title from Carrie Underwood's song, "Good in Goodbye" for this blog post. I found myself just crying tonight. I was sitting outside. Crickets are chirping. I can see my beautiful mountains from my porch. I turned the lights off so I could see the stars. Just kinda some "me" time and time with God. Ya, so I'm sitting there crying, thinking, "Gosh, I hope the neighbors don't hear me..." Then I was like who the heck cares.
The tears were cleansing my soul. Simply put, that's the reason for them tonight. I am at peace and so entirely grateful for my life and God's love. It's like the remaining need to cleanse out anything left from the past so I can have a fresh slate for the future. :)
So, see here...I signed up for two half marathons back in November. The training has served to help me through the most difficult season in my life. Now that the divorce is final and has been for over a month, it is time to "finish up" so to speak, that season in my life. It's time to say goodbye. For good. I already have, but this final half marathon, this coming Sunday, days away, is the final punctuation mark on that story's coming to an end.
I ran the Horsetooth Half on April 22nd. Holy crap that was a tough marathon for me. It was very emotional. The first half of the race was entirely uphill. I must admit I didn't prepare nearly as well as I should've for this race. My focus was just not there. I just wanted to complete it. I didn't even know the course!! That's a crazy thing for me, Sarah the planner. Ha! This race correlated much with my life the past 6 months. Uphill. Wanting to give up. Never giving up. Pressing on because I knew I would be stronger in the end. It was very interesting because it was like this race took me through a visual of the seasons change in my life. The first half of the race was barren, so to speak. Dusty, rocks, hills, pain. I found myself running the white line on the side of the road. I stole this from Dean Karnazes. It is just so comforting knowing that if you just stay on that line, it'll take you where you need to go.
The course gradually started changing as trees appeared near Bellevue. Pastures with horses and cattle strewn with picket fences and flowers dotting the green landscape. Just pure beauty. Gentle, rolling hills. Ah, Spring Creek, I am then running across a creaky, wooden bridge, and the birds were singing and flirting all around. The trees were in full spring bloom, and the sun was just so warm on my face, the rays beaming down from through the leaves in the majestic trees.
It was mind blowing how evident the changes. I just started crying near mile 10. This was my race, no matter the time, because I was running forward, never to return there again. There was no one waiting for me at the finish line. I was running entirely for me, and the peace that struck me in that revelation was overwhelming. After crossing the finish line, I struck up some fun convo with some other runners while chowing down my burrito, hung for about an hour, then took the bus back to my car. I didn't even feel alone and never felt awkward. I am at peace with who I am. I have been a lil worried lately that I come across the right way. Lemme explain. I used to hate myself. Hate. There has been sucha transformation in me, and I can honestly say I love who God made me now. It is sucha drastic change, it worries me sometimes that it come across as conceited. I sure hope it doesn't, but at the same time, I would take that risk b/c I would never trade it back for the hate I used to feel towards myself. Never. I'm letting God teach me the balance and that's been good.
So, that race was my peak run for this next half, the Colorado Half Marathon. I am elated for this race. I have spent all week preparing mentally and physically. I have done everything right: sleep, eating, training, rest. I just can't wait. This race will be my exclamation that I am putting the past behind me and moving forward for the future, pressing on to the next goal and great thing in my life. I am very excited. There is rain on the forecast. Bring it. I don't even care. No matter what, this is my race. I am grateful. So if you're wondering why I keep talking about this half, this is why. Looking back, I am seeing much "good in goodbye." I know without a doubt, that there is good to come in "hello to my future and present." Bring it, baby. I've taken the time to unpack any baggage I had, and I am ready for the next trip. Time to go. Yeah!!!!!!! :)
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